I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
