AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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