but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Thank you for not boning my boss.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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