i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
