We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Is it penis luge time yet?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
