Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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