He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
