I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
