He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
