Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
