that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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