In the future we'll all be gay
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
