ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
