I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
