No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
