i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
