you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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