I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
