Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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