SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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