When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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