saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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