the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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