Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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