She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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