I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
The air taste purple.
Randomize
