Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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