There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
