And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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