that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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