dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
