I'm drive I can fine osifer
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
