The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
