I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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