I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
