she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
