I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
