guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
