If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
