well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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