You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
