how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
