There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
