i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
high people should be assigned attendants
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The air was thick with penises
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
