I think my vagina is haunted
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
