Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
