DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Do vagina's smell?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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