I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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