i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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