He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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