The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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